Reminiscing...

It is 12.30 AM as I am going through memory lane. I know, for many, Michael Jackson's death is getting old. However, I'm just now getting out of the shock and starting to realize what has happened. Plus, I'm extremely tired, therefore sensitive and emotional.

I was born in 1984. Most of his best songs had already been released. Nevertheless, they were still extremely popular while I was growing up. This was before he was being accused of child molestation. When I was in elementary school, I wasn't into music yet. I wasn't trying to stay up to date of the newest songs. I just liked whatever was presented to me.

Around that time I was taking jazzdance classes. I think my instructor must have been a fan of M.J., because every Saturday we would do our warm-up on the same song, "Remember the Time". I eventually bought his Double album "History". I loved it!
My favorite songs were Beat it, Thriller, Earth Song, Remember the Time, History, Black or White, Heal The World and Scream.


I had some very lonely moments, growing up. But at that time, music and dance was still able to fill the empty spots I had in my life. I remember listening to "Scream", turning the music up to the maximum, and when the glass would break I would start dancing like crazy. Or, on the days I was sad, I would listen to "Earth Song", and sing along with him. By the end of the song I had tears dripping over my cheeks. His music was so intense. It never became old. New songs came and went, but from time to time, I just had to pop his CD in my stereo system and go crazy on his music. Let myself go.

When Michael Jackson came to Belgium, I was still very young, but I knew I wanted to go to his concert. My cousin and her Mom or Dad went. I was jealous. I wished her the best, but I wanted to be there with her. I begged and begged my father, but they wouldn't let me go. Somehow I had it set in my head that I was going to go anyways. I had packed my bag, and had everything ready. But I spent the night crying and fussing in my bed, because like I already knew I couldn't go.

I never met him.

Then the accusations started, but I've never been much of a fan of gossip. I kind of stayed away from it. Because, who knows what really happened. I wasn't interested in his personal life. Honestly, I didn't know much of him. All I knew was his music, the only (double) CD I had. I had read the CD-book several times. I liked his poetry, I cared about him, because of his childhood. And that was about it. I wasn't obsessed by him, I wasn't his number 1 fan. I will never be. His death doesn't change that. But I have always loved his music and dance performances.

I think it's sad, that he died and people still think of him as a pedophile. Even though I believe he never harmed those boys. He's been very misunderstood. And people are always so easy to judge, even though they have never met him or witnessed any of the accusations. Yet, he IS a pedophile. I wish people could just let it all go. Let him rest in peace. God knows what happened.

Eshan's braids.

As you all know I've been learning to braid for the past year. And I'm finally seeing results! I am becoming a pretty good braider, I must say! Ha, I'm so proud! And honestly, I really enjoy doing hair, well that is, when he's cooperating. When he's acting up and trying to run away, it definitely is a chore. But I can't wait till he (or she) gets bigger so I can push myself to try new styles. I would love to learn how to do zigzag and shapes.

This is what he looks like, after our braiding session.... hey I had to bribe him with something...


After a good bath, I took him out to our neighborhood's park...

And one more...

So I went to school today...

and attended a mandatory "College Planning" session. Omg, it felt SO SO good to be "independent" and around people my age and older. I am loving it! For 2 years, I've been a stay-at-home mom with no driver license and therefor pretty much stuck at home. ALWAYS surrounded by the babies, not that I mind, but from time to time we all need a break!

We received our assessment scores. And I did pretty well, I must say. Much better than most of the people that attended the session. I didn't have to retake any of the tests, and I'm right at college level as well. So no need to take extra English or Math classes.

After the session, the adviser explained us how we need to register for classes and then she let us go ahead and do it ourselves.

I was a little bummed that Anatomy 1 was already full, now I need to make sure I'll be able to get into the Spring class and then I'll have to do Anatomy 2 during the Summer.
But I was able to enroll in English, Psychology, and Sociology (Multi-cultural studies) for the online courses. And then from August to October I will take a 2hr/week Life Skills test, which is supposed to be very light and interesting. I don't think we will be tested for that class either, more like a lecture type of thing. And then from October to December I will be doing Math. The math is a little cramped up, I just hope I'll be able to stay on top of it.

:)

Gosh I'm excited, never been this excited to study! I am so fricking motivated!!! I want to get all A's inshAllah!

Nursing School

I pretty much already made up my mind about going to nursing school. But there's a few obstacles I have. First of all, I found out we have to dissect a pig or a cat. I've been watching movies on YouTube, and it's not as gross as I thought it was. But still, it's an animal and I can't stop to think about the animal when it was still alive. Was it killed for this purpose? Or already dead? Or is it a cat that has been euthanized because there was no more room at the shelter? IMO that is so wrong. But anyways, does it feel me poking and cutting in its body? Also, I have this thing, called "respect for the death" and I don't think it's really appropriate to play with dead people or animals.
If this is just a one time thing, I think I can put myself thru it. After all, when you have a dream or a goal, you make some sacrifices and you work thru the hard parts right?

I keep having the thought if nursing is really something for me. But when I look at all the other academics, nothing really interests me as much. Yea, I could go for photography. But with the economy being this bad, who can still afford a photographer? I need some guarantee.

Another obstacle I have is my husband who wants to start nursing school as well. He wants me to go to school, but for some reason he thinks that his education is more important than mine? I guess because I'm the main caretaker of our children and he already works full time. But still, I really feel I should take this oppurtinity, now that I still qualify for gov grants. It's going to be a hectic 2-3 years, but once we both graduate, we will have so many more opportunities in life: pay off debt, travel, get a house, afford private school and after school sport and art activities for our kids. Ideally my husband and I should work the same shift, when they are both at school so we can still have plenty of quality time. And I would prefer to work PT, or even stay at home, but have the option to get a good paying job whenever I need to.
I don't want to be doing too much and don't have any time to study, but if I don't go to college now, I may never be able to go.

I have to go sign up for classes today. We'll see what happens...

I just noticed....

I have no recent, decent-looking photos of myself, yet I have THOUSANDS of photos of my kids and husband. So, I decided, tomorrow (or at least this week), I will treat myself to a little photoshoot!

I will also have to look into the profile editing. My layout SUCKS right now. But inshAllah soon I'll have a cute HTML layout on here!

Anyways, I'm getting ready to go to bed. Eshan is asleep, secretly waiting for his mommy to come join him. He has already woken up several times ... with a mad look on his face "Why did you leave me mami?" Inaiyah is taking a little nap on her bouncy chair.

Tomorrow I need to go to college to sign up for classes and to attend a college planning session. I really need to get this taken care of ASAP, before the classes fill up.

Stay updated!

So I decided to create a blog....

I've been wanting to create a blog for a very long time now. It just feels so nice to talk, or write and have people actually listen to you. The reason why I have never started my own blog, until now is because, I find it hard to decide what parts of my life I will make public and what parts I rather keep private. E.g. when things go wrong, you're having a bad day, you get into an argument and you just want to vent, a blogspot seems ideal, but at the same time it's not. Because you don't want the whole world to know what is going on in your household, between you and your friends, in your mind, etc. You don't want to be misunderstood, or want people to assume certain things that aren't there, or judge someone that is dear to you. Also, what if the person you are talking about, will actually read the blog and feel offended? What if your potential boss ends up on your blog and decides to base his judgement of you on the blog? See, you know what I mean. But I will try my best to make a good, but still interesting selection of posts in this blog.
I hope you'll enjoy reading my posts, and feel free to leave me a comment or become a "follower".